Melody

A bittersweet melody threatens to wrench me back into feelings I am desperate to leave behind.

It takes just a few chords for my heart to seize and my eyes to dampen with memories. Sometimes wonderful and happy. Other times, nostalgic and grief filled. To this day, I can’t make it through Warren Zevon’s ‘Keep me in your heart for awhile’ without breaking down or needing to turn it off. My dad… I miss him.

Other songs throw me back to amazing times with friends and growing up…either cruising town in pickup trucks or by a bonfire in a muddy field. Music connects me to certain people and times, like a soundtrack for my life.

Memories of driving home from college on Fridays will always be accompanied by Nazareth. Then there’s the most recent connections. An old country duet, a classic 70’s tune and a song by Eric Church will forever be tattooed on my heart with only one name. The lyrics, putting into words, what I can’t bare to utter out loud.

Finding my happy

I started a blog years ago. Actually it feels more like a different lifetime. When I look back I don’t even resemble that person.

Her life revoloved around being a wife, a mother to young boys and keeping a home. The ‘now’ me is a single mom to 2 teenagers and works long weeks working from home while trudging through the mine fields of co-parenting and dating. Most weeks I’m exhausted, eat more than I should and have a great romance with Netflix. The most pronounced change? Happiness. As in I have it.

I didn’t even realize that my inner light was extinguished. I put my kids and family first and lost myself in the mean time. Like a caged animals that’s never had freedom, I had to learn to LET myself be happy . An amazing thing happened as I did, I became ME. The me that smiled and laughed, the me that loved life…I had forgotten about her. Or actually I didn’t realize I lost her as much as I did!

A strange thing happened as my happy came back; I turned into the mom I always thought I’d be.

(For anyone interested my blog before was https://fumblingthru.wordpress.com )